To help our preparations for New Management, Scarlett decided we should turn our office into a War Room. She put a sign on our door that says SENSITIVE OPERATION DO NOT ENTER, and got us to push our desks together and lay a huge sheet of paper over them, on which we’re tracking our manoeuvres. Heather was tasked with creating a countdown calendar of the days left until New Management arrived, each day a different-coloured cardboard square . There were forty days to go at that point, but Stationary would only give her 25 pieces of coloured cardboard, so we had to wait until there were only 25 days left to start our countdown.
Scarlett has been working on the new staff dress code. After consultation, she’s decided it’s semi-formal to formal, and definitely no trainers. She’s also been running rehearsals for the more senior people, so they can practise how to be in meetings with New Management. Her top tip is to watch for body language signs that they might have got bored, in which case to change the subject. Also, to have turned your mobile phone off. She’s now moved on to decluttering.
Rhett, Ashley and I have been writing a briefing pack for the New Management, showing how the organisation is poised to deliver their over-arching ambition. Rhett’s doing Sustainability, Ashley’s doing Growth, and I’m doing Organisational Reform. I get the information from HR. It’s very dense, and often puzzling, and my job is to try and make it more readable, as well as reducing random capitalisation.
“In order to reduce Hand-offs and deliver the Efficiencies Under Requirement we have developed a Portfolio of mechanisms including merging back office and replacement of front line with Drones.”
I asked Rhett and Ashley if we were front line. “No, but we might be back office, I’m afraid,” said Rhett.
“So we’ll be merged? What will we be merged with?”
“With each other, of course. I’d prefer to be replaced by a drone, but they’ll think that’s far too expensive.”